I would like to address this tweet and video by Michael Foster as a follow up to my original review of his book. The question here is not whether relationships between men might be a good thing but rather what men need. The claim here by Foster is not in fact that it would be good to have a relationship with other men “who get it” but that men need other men. Of course, Foster extends this needing to a gang of men in his book but Scripture doesn’t in fact say this as I’ve handled in talking about fraternity in one section of my review of his work. Further, Foster is explicitly adapting a secular ethic to a Christian framework by echoing the neo-pagan Jack Donovan that is unhealthy and ultimately rooted in homosocial tendencies not reflected in the Scriptures.
The relationship of David and Jonathan is quite unique in the pages of Scripture, something that is both good and wholesome. However, the providential relationship the two maintained is not paradigmatic for all relationships especially in an age where homosexual behavior plagues a culture. Rather, the closeness they exhibit is essentially a type of proto-Christian love we see finally exhibited in the person and work of Christ among both sexes and not merely man-to-man. Can men be friends, even really good friends? Sure. But, the gender/sex of Jonathan/David is not in view in the Scriptures. Jonathan and David didn’t love each other as deep friends because they were men, but because they were David and Jonathan loving each other as he loved himself (1 Samuel 18:1, 20:16; Lev. 19:18).
We need to avoid the sort of Greek thinking that splits something like this into a discussion quite foreign from its original context in focusing on one quality of their persons and misses the forest for the trees. The relationship in play was covenantal and dealt with the house of David, not merely David or Jonathan themselves or a particular quality they had. For all the reliance in certain quarters on James Jordan, one would think the typology and the covenantal nature of the relationship invoked between David and Jonathan would be more easily recognized than the gender identity they both shared.
Christian love is different than the old pagan and fallen strictures that posited a heavy split between the sexes due to physical and other differences between men and women. In the gospel of John we see Christ expressing intimacy among his friends who were both men and women. He deeply loved Mary and Martha as much as he loved Lazarus and John. The words used to express that love are the same for both sexes and not merely for the men close to him. Take a close and deep look at the gospels and I think you’ll see what I mean.
Yes, of course Jesus had the twelve disciples but he was never unaccompanied by women in the gospels in his earthly ministry. In fact, we even see women leading the way on occasion in terms of their devotion to him and friendship with him contra the pettiness of his disciples. The intimacy of friendship is seen in actions like washing one’s hair in perfume on his feet, laying on his breast, and devoting one’s life to his service. Christ also received such intimate friendships between the sexes willingly and without reserve. That engagement on the part of men and women for Christ transcended any known cultures in play at the time and in fact put Jesus and his followers in hot water on occasion. But, look at the nature of friendship and association with Christ. Friendship and familial relations with Christ is a matter of obeying his commands and not in fact bound to whether one is a man or a woman (John 15:14; Mark 3:31-35; Matthew 12:46–50; Luke 8:19-21). The only man that men really need is Christ himself and the only way to him is to trust and obey him. But, that same need exists for women also.
Paul makes it very clear in Ephesians 4 that we are all sons of God in Jesus Christ and that the brotherhood we have in the church is not strictly speaking a male-only thing. Galatians 3:26 calls us all sons of God through faith in Jesus and not merely the men of the church. Further, Galatians 3:26 is paired with Gal. 3:28 that says there is neither male nor female in our oneness in Christ, we are all sons together. If we’re all sons together, that also means that everyone who is in Christ is a brother in and of Christ and not merely men in using such language. Romans 8:14 repeats this to tell us that whoever is of the Holy Spirit is a son of God. Christian brotherhood is one that extends to all who know Christ and not merely to men. In other words, the brotherhood of the church is the church of men and women God has called together to be in union with him through Christ and by the Holy Spirit.
In 2 Cor. 6:18, Paul does speak of both sons and daughters in coming to know Christ so it’s clear that Paul isn’t advocating the erasure of all distinctions between men and women in the church. The distinctions Paul made are covenantal and not in fact due to some hidden brotherhood and sisterhood that draws a sharp line between the sexes so that our main concern in terms of who we associate with is driven by whether we are men or women. Paul also traveled with Aquila and Priscilla in spreading the gospel among the Gentiles and had to know both of them well beyond a sort of Sunday morning acquaintance (Romans 16:3-5). Take note that the holy kiss in Romans 16 is premised on the deep relationships of both men and women serving in the church together, it is the church as a whole that greets one another in such loving intimacy, and not men alone (Romans 16:3-16).
There is no encouragement and exhortation when instructing the churches in the New Testament that is for men only that doesn’t also address women in some way. All of us are to ‘grow up as the mature man, lay aside falsehood, for we are members of one another’ and even submit to one another (Eph. 4:13, 25; 5:21). We’re to confess our sins to one another, encourage, exhort, stimulate one another to good deeds, admonish, all of which belongs in a repeated focus of these things, and so much so that one chief way to do this is in song and worship before God as the whole congregation (Col 3:16; James 5:16; Heb. 3:13; 10:24). How does this occur? By having a monthly men’s forum or by not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together as the Body of Christ any time we do meet (Heb. 10:25)? Have all the men’s forums you like, but the primary call of the New Testament church was for all members to assemble, “from the least to the greatest”–men, women, children, infants, young, and old–in honor to our Lord, in deep filial relationships with both men and women, and in worshiping him (Heb. 8:11; Joel 2:16).
None of this means men can’t get together or that we can’t be friends and women can’t do the same in the church. But, you don’t find the foibles of our postmodern insecurities about gender identity and association in play in the pages of Scripture. The Scriptures are entirely unconcerned with the assertions of Michael Foster below because the real focus of relational activity is the local church congregation as a whole in the Bible and not merely part of it.
Let me also just comment on the TikTok video that goes with the post Foster offers. We don’t know what the problem is with the young man thinking about suicide. He’s in the military however, a place where young men are together a lot. If friendship with other men was the key to solving his issue, you’d think the military would be the one place where he’d find opportunity for such relationships. Even Foster has acknowledged the camaraderie of war. But, the truth is we don’t know why he was upset and the two people in the video are actually total strangers to each other. A female police officer would have acted the very same way as the man responding to the traffic stop in the first place. The reasons for suicide among men in the military are complex and typically don’t have to do with men hanging out with each other or developing deep relationships. Usually, there is some trauma or family/marital separation in play. There is nothing in this video for Foster’s case except a gut-wrenching appeal to sympathy. Of course, we all feel for the guy in pain but the solution is found in Christ alone and not in some relational bonding with another man or a hug by one on the roadside.
And, this is one point we need to finally make. You will notice everything (including the kitchen sink) being thrown at you to look at men and their “need” for other men the way Foster and white supremacists like Jack Donovan advocate but what you will not find is good argumentation and what the Scriptures say about these things. I’ve already read a reflection by one pastor this morning whose work I dearly love, but Scripture is very much missing in his endorsement of what Foster outlines in talking about this video.
Men of God, your cultural preferences aren’t enough to shepherd the people of God. Feed them with the word of the living God. That is the only thing that will increase their faith and right their point of view (Romans 8:5, 10:17; Gal. 3:2, 5).
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